Our Story

December 29, 2015 is the day my wife and I took control of our destiny. Before that fateful day, we spoke often about our dreams and desires for life, but they were just that—dreams. We each had ideas, and from time to time we’d chat and dream together… Where we wanted to live, when and how many kids we wanted, and the ideal work / life balance. But we never moved much closer to achieving them. We lived our busy lives on autopilot, without a clear plan to achieve the things we wanted. We simply trusted that one day we’d accomplish everything. During the last week of 2015, as we reflected on the amazing year we had and what we wanted for 2016 and beyond, we decided that to realize our big dreams we had to take control.

“WE LIVED OUR BUSY LIVES ON AUTOPILOT, WITHOUT A CLEAR PLAN TO ACHIEVE THE THINGS WE WANTED”

How did it go? A year later, I’m writing you from an apartment in Barcelona, Spain. I’m self-employed, my wife and I both work remotely, and we have the flexibility to travel and spend time with our families just as we always dreamed.

One Small Habit

My wife and I developed one small habit that I credit for the giant leap we made towards achieving our goals in 2016—formal meetings. Yes, it’s exactly what you’re picturing. We sit down (usually on the floor or couch, but you could use a table if you’re fancy) and have an organized discussion about our lives. We hold these meetings at least once a month, but sometimes more. It may sound silly (aka fun), but it’s also incredibly effective. Think about the meetings you have at work, and what purpose they serve:

• Gather all concerned parties
• Provide a safe place for questions and discussions
• Ensure progress and provide accountability
• Foster teamwork and strengthen relationships
• Learn about others’ opinions
• Strengthen communication channels
• Make decisions

I don’t know anyone, especially any couples, that couldn’t benefit from a few of those! But these meetings are not just for couples, individuals stand to benefit as well.

The Benefit of Formal Meetings

Scheduling formal meetings is really about creating a forum for open and honest communication. It’s a way for you to learn incredible things about yourself and your partner. Do you know when you want to have kids? Where you really want to live? Are you traveling down the path towards a midlife crisis because you’ve been putting your dreams on hold? It’s time to be honest with yourself and your partner.

“ARE YOU TRAVELING DOWN THE PATH TOWARDS A MIDLIFE CRISIS BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN PUTTING YOUR DREAMS ON HOLD?”

When we had our first formal meeting, we didn’t have high expectations or a big plan. We simply felt that we needed to set aside a time to have real discussions. Not about anything in particular, but about life in general. We were living our lives running from one event to the next. Wake up, go to work, exercise, eat dinner, sleep, repeat. We didn’t have a communication problem, but our goal conversations often lacked depth. We were trying to squeeze life planning in during a 15 minute taxi ride or right before bed when one of us was already asleep. It wasn’t enough!

We recognized the benefits immediately. For an hour, we talked without distraction about different aspects of our life together—what we liked, didn’t like, our aspirations for the future. It was eye opening to have such direct and focused conversation. We not only learned more about each other in that hour, but we learned about our own thoughts! We had unknowingly created a forum for honest discussion that would help us financially, put us on a path towards achieving our goals, and increase our satisfaction in our personal lives and our life together. It’s easy for the daily grind to get in the way. However, if we pause just for a few minutes, we can learn a lot and achieve anything we set our minds to. If you’re ready to start achieving your dreams, I’ve got a few recommendations for you:

1. Make it Fun, but Keep it Formal

If you are serious about achieving your goals, you need to be serious about these meetings, but you don’t want them to become a chore. They are all about you (and your family), so make them fun! Give them a funny name (ours is The State of the Union), and cook a nice dinner at home or go somewhere special. Make it a ritual that you buy orange mocha frappuccinos from your favorite café first. Be creative to make them an enjoyable event that you look forward to holding, but also make sure they’re structured. Adding formalities to the meeting is important because they’re about achievement.

2. Schedule and Respect the Time

This is the most important recommendation. Schedule the meetings on your calendar in advance and hold yourself to it. My wife and I like to schedule a few months of meetings at a time and number them so that we can’t skip any. Life will get in the way, and it’s easy to say “Oh, I’m too tired let’s just do it tomorrow.” or “Oh, but Kimmy Gibbler’s party is this Sunday, we can’t have a meeting.” But every time you push it off, you push off achieving your goals. Schedule them in advance, respect that they own that time slot, and do everything you can to make them happen regularly. If you’ve done a good job at making them fun, holding them regularly shouldn’t be a problem!

Scheduling the meetings in advance has an extra benefit if you’re in a relationship. Too often when one person in a couple wants to discuss something, the other person “isn’t in the mood”, or is “too busy”. If the meeting is on the calendar and you’re both committed to holding it, there’s no excuse. Everyone involved knows when the discussion will take place and that it will happen whether they are “in the mood” or not. Scheduling allows everyone to come to the meeting prepared.

3. Organize by Discussion Topic

Divide the different parts of your life into discussion categories, and assign topic leadership to each of your meeting attendees. We all want to have well-rounded lives, and by breaking them down into different topics we add importance to all of them—not just the ones at the top of our minds that day. Classification ensures your meetings will cover a holistic, but organized snapshot of your life, and allows you to create a shared sense of commitment and focus by taking turns in the leadership role.

For us, the discussion topics happened naturally. For example, I like finance (clearly), so I offered to take the lead in planning our family’s finances. My wife, on the other hand, leads us in planning for relationships with the three F’s (family, friends, and our ferret). Jokingly we took the topics to a formal level by creating committees, and it has been incredibly effective. Our meeting is structured as a series of committee reports that alternate from person to person. Currently we have five:

• Finance (focuses on our financial well-being)
• Social (focuses on the three F’s; my wife calls this “the fun committee”)
• Home (focuses on our house/belongings/etc.)
• Big Dreams (focuses on long-term goals)
• The Union (focuses on our relationship)

Whether you’re planning as a couple or individual, using committees to classify the areas of your life adds structure and keeps things from falling through the cracks.

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4. Take Notes

Documentation is key. You have a 95% higher chance of achievement if you write down and review your goals regularly. Notes give you a reference point to refer back to during the next meeting. It can be highly motivational to see your progress from meeting to meeting (good or bad!), leading to a higher rate of success.

Figure out the method that what works best for you, whether it’s using good ol’ pen and paper or a program like OneNote, EverNote, or Word. The committee chair can take notes while they speak, or the other person can participate by documenting for the committee. There is no need to write down every word, but make sure you get the highlights and action items.

5. Keep a To-Do List

The objective of the meeting is to make progress towards achieving your goals. That means there are going to be action items or to-dos generated from your discussion. You may find it best to use the meeting time to knock them out, or assign yourself a due date (such as before the next meeting). The point is to take your big dreams and break them down into achievable steps. As you discuss a topic, figure out what needs to be done to make it a reality and who’s going to do it.

This is where note taking software like OneNote can be very handy. If we identify a task during our discussion, we mark it as a to-do. Then we can run a quick report in OneNote that lists out all of the to-do’s from the notes and we can quickly email them out. Knowing that the next meeting will start by reviewing the to-dos from the last meeting works as an effective motivator for us.

6. Reflect on Your Progress

You’ll see that achievement comes rather quickly once you are having regular meetings, breaking your goals down into digestible bites, and assigning tasks. It will blow your mind how much you can accomplish by discussing it, writing it down, and holding each other accountable.

My wife and I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to move halfway around the world. We systematically broke down our goals into achievable steps, identified options and created backup plans. We took it one day at a time by focusing our energy on the most important tasks. It took months of discussion, planning, and preparation. Being able to reflect on our progress as we hit each major milestone energized us, and it also allowed us to see that we were both working equally hard at our dreams.

Make it Your Resolution

If you only make one resolution this year, make it to hold formal meetings. There is nothing you can’t accomplish with these meetings if you make them fun, schedule and respect the time, organize by discussion topic, take notes, keep a to-do list, and reflect on your progress. Whether you’re planning for something big or just looking to go to the gym more often, formal meetings are an effective system to implement the structure and accountability necessary to achieve your dreams.

Are you interested in getting one-on-one personalized planning advice? Click here to schedule a FREE 30 minute call with David, a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) professional and Certified Public Accountant (CPA), and get answers to all of your money questions.